


Burning

by fuzzyalarmclock



Category: The Good Fight (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-06
Updated: 2018-09-07
Packaged: 2019-06-22 13:11:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15582732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fuzzyalarmclock/pseuds/fuzzyalarmclock
Summary: A series of ficlets to flesh out the scenes between Diane and Kurt in season two of The Good Fight.





	1. Preface

**Author's Note:**

> Similar to the premise of "High Hope," I'm here filling the between episode gaps.

 

_Walking up the hill tonight_  
_And you have closed your eyes,_  
_I wish I didn't have to make all those mistakes and be wise._  
_Please try to be patient and know that I'm still learning._  
_I'm sorry that you have to see the strength inside me burning._

-Marketa Irglova, "The Hill"

 

_ * _

_ Kill all lawyers. _

Through the years, Diane found her own ways of slowing down and stepping away from the law, if only for an hour or two a day. She found ways of marking time other than billable hours and years of experience. But her career, above anything else, defined her. It would be her legacy. 

The recent spate of lawyer deaths make her think about Will. She wonders what he would say, if he would laugh off the threats and point out how lawyers, as a group, have always been persecuted. 

She still marks their unofficial anniversary as partners, along with the anniversary of his death. Going out to the cemetery for Reddick’s internment reminds her she hasn’t visited Will’s gravesite in awhile.

She thinks about what Will would say about a lot of things. The current administration, for example. Her relationship with Kurt. She imagines Will, finally settling down. Married and happy. She would tease him about how they both bought into the mysterious institution they’d rejected for so long.

On the way to Liz’s house, she sighs, glancing down at her phone, wondering if she should call Kurt.

It’s almost been another year of them not being able to figure out where they stand. They’re in limbo and she knows things can’t stay that way forever, but she doesn’t know how to go about making a change. They’ve never been very good at being married anyway. He has his life and she has hers. Kurt’s been on the road, testifying in various cases. She’s busy at the new firm (less new, now). 

When they do see each other, Diane tries to make clear what it is and what it isn’t. She’ll tell him to drop by her place late, always after 10 pm, and occasionally there would be a night at his place, but she never stays. She’s very careful not to blur the lines. Kurt, on the other hand, is terrible about it. He is always asking her to come stay for the weekend or to fly out to meet him wherever he’s working. 

Kurt thought a night or weekend together could fix everything between them. It’s sweet and naive in its way, but it makes Diane always look like the bad guy. Always the one to reinforce. It is a form of self-protection, she knows. She isn’t able to let her guard down, let herself be vulnerable with him, for fear of the same thing happening. 

*

After the carjacking incident, Kurt hadn’t heard from Diane. He thought they had come to some sort of resolution, but then things go back to the way they’ve been. Rarely talking, not seeing each other for months at a time. 

He understands she’s still hurt, but feels like he’s made it pretty clear how he wants things to proceed. So he decides to take a step back. Let her have her space. Let her come to him. 

She contacted him a few times, but made it clear things were casual between them. But with her, he’s an addict. Every time he gets a taste of her, he wants more. He acts like an idiot. Put himself out there, even as she draws careful lines around them. He wants her more than she wanted him. 

He knows Diane’s prior relationships were casual. She claimed never to have been in a serious relationship after 30. When she was younger, it was out of necessity. She didn’t have time to devote to developing a serious relationship, she was working 80 hour plus weeks and rarely saw the inside of her apartment, much less a significant other. When she got older, it was the way she preferred it. 

His dating history was just as scattered. A few serious relationships here and there, but for the most part, he liked being alone. It was always easy for him to return to solitude. 

He thought they were different, though. Hell, they’d gotten married. For a long time, part of him didn’t feel worthy of her forgiveness, even if she chose to give it. But now, she had forgiven him and this limbo they were stuck in, this was worse. 

Normally he wouldn’t have considered taking a case in Los Angeles. If Chicago is bad, L.A. is worse with its snarled traffic and the plastic surgery faces. But he considers it because he thinks it might be good to get away from Diane for awhile. To put some physical distance in between them. For his sake. 

At first, it’s not so bad. He enjoys the sunshine. Even gets a little tan. 

Except then it’s terrible. He misses her every damn day. 

He’s sitting outside the courtroom when the alert pops up on his phone. Possible chemical attack at Chicago law firm. He stands up, not sure what to do. He opens the alert, clicks on the news link. Reddick, Boseman, & Lockhart.  _ Shit shit shit.  _ He’s supposed to testify today, but wonders how fast he can get to the airport. 

With shaking hands, he calls her. He can’t get through. The cell towers in Chicago must be busy, he tells himself, trying to fight off the alternative. But all he can think about is fucking  _ Silkwood _ . He imagines Diane alone in a quarantine room, burns on her skin. 

“Hello?” Someone finally picks up.

“Diane?” There’s a lot of noise in the background. Sirens and people chattering. 

“Hello?” The signal on her end is full of static.

“Diane? It’s me.”

“Kurt?” 

“I’ve been trying to get in touch with you all morning,” he says, relieved she’s at least answering her phone. “Are you okay?” 

“There’s a potential chemical attack at the firm.” Her tone is brusque.

“I know. I saw. That’s why I’m calling. Are you okay?” 

“I feel fine but Maia and Marissa were exposed and-” her voice cracks. “I don’t know what to do.” 

“I’m just glad you’re alright.” 

“That letter was meant for me. If Marissa or Maia….oh god.” 

He knows he has to stay steady for her, even though a moment ago he was as panicked as she sounds. “Diane, don’t get too far ahead of yourself. Is the hazmat team there?” 

“Yes, they’re here. I just feel so helpless. Jay stayed inside to help. I should have-”

“You did the right thing, Diane. You have to worry about yourself, too. You got out, that was smart.” 

“I know, but I-”

“Hey, none of that, okay? Take a deep breath with me.” He can hear her breathing. 

“Thank you for calling.” 

“Of course.” 

“You in court today?”

“Not until this afternoon. But say the word and I can be on a plane to Chicago.” 

“Kurt…”

“I’m serious.” 

“That’s very sweet, but we’ll--I’ll be okay.”

“Okay, but it’s an open offer. If you change your mind…”

“You would drop the case? Come on, I know you spent quite a while testing in the lab for this.” 

“That’s true, but you’re more important.” 

“I’ll keep it in mind,” her voice softens. “I need to go, Adrian is-”

“Go, go. Keep me updated, okay?” 

“I will. Bye.” 

*

When he gets out of court, he checks his phone. There’s a text from her.  _ Marissa and Maia ok. It was baking soda. Not ricin.  _

He texts her back, saying he’s glad to hear it and asking if he can call her later. She responds almost immediately.  _ Of course.  _ And then a moment later,  _ Miss you. _

He knows it’s the adrenaline of the day, making her admit things she wouldn’t normally. It happened after his incident--the carjacking--last year. He knows better than to read anything into it, but it’s all he can do not to jump into a car to the airport, rush into her office, and take her in his arms. 

But that only works if you’re Rhett Butler, not Kurt McVeigh. 

As soon as he gets back to his hotel, his phone rings. It’s her, calling  _ him _ . “Hey,” he answers. “I was just about to call you.” 

“Oh. I just got home.”

“Everyone okay at the firm? Jay and Marissa and everybody?” 

“Yes, yes, they’re all fine,” she says with a relieved sigh. “Thanks for asking.” She falls quiet for a long moment. “It was good to hear your voice today.” 

“Yeah?” He asks gently, not wanting to scare her off this line of conversation.

“We should talk more often.” 

“Really?” He tries not to sound too eager. “I didn’t think you wanted to.”

“Talk?” 

“You know what I mean.” 

She lets out a breath. “I’m sorry if I made you feel that way.” 

“We’re both good at the space thing.” 

She chuckles. “That’s putting it mildly.” 

“Yeah. So...can I call you in a couple days?” 

“That would be nice, yes.” 

At the time, it doesn’t seem like much, doesn’t seem any different than how they’ve always been, but it’s how they start talking again. 


	2. 2x05

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Diane.” A smirk creeps across his face. “Are you insinuating that I flew across the country purely to sleep with you?”
> 
> Her mouth twists into a smile at that. “Maybe,” she replies, raising an eyebrow. They were always good at this. The flirting.

_Where are u? Kurt’s here!!!_  
  
Upon seeing Marissa’s text and beginning to realize where she is, it’s as if she’s hurtling hundreds of feet down towards the ground. Her stomach plummets and she’s not sure if she’s going to vomit or cry. Possibly both. She’s never been so disgusted with herself as she is at that moment, knowing what she’s done. Diane launches out of bed, half pulling on clothes before walking into the bathroom and staring at herself in the mirror. It’s like something out of a bad movie. Her life. Last night. All of it.   
  
The vial in her purse. Maybe it’s possible she took more than she remembers, but the level looks the same. She has barely felt anything from the psilocybin, but this feels like the worst comedown ever, and that’s not even including her hangover.   
  
When Diane finally comes out of the bathroom, Tully asks if he can see her again. “I’m married,” she tells him, perhaps a little more forcefully than necessary, but she’s annoyed with him and pissed at herself for letting things go so far.   
  
On the cab ride home, she tries to piece together the night. Events are hazy, to say the least. No one showed up to the firm’s party, she remembers that. The ricin scared them off. She remembers Kurt’s call to her shortly after the ricin incident and a sob rises up in her throat. The driver glances in the rear view mirror to make sure she’s okay, but she tamps down her emotions.   
  
She remembers talking to Elsbeth and trying to avoid any potential run-ins with Liz. She remembers her first conversation with Tully. He made her laugh. It was nice. She can’t remember the last time she laughed with Kurt. It’s been strained, broken and raw for the longest time now.   
  
She stayed late at the party, even though no one was there. Maia and Marissa found her at one point and pulled her down to the lower floor, where the real party was happening. Had Tully come down there to find her when he was closing the bar upstairs? Had she come back upstairs to find him?   
  
When she gets home, she changes clothes. Black seems the only appropriate thing to wear. She sits on the edge of her bed, fully dressed, and thinks about what she’s going to say to Kurt. Diane doesn’t know how she’s going to face him. He’s the one person she’s never been very good at hiding things from. He’ll probably take one look at her and know.   
  
But she hadn’t. Not when it was the other way around. She hadn’t known about Holly. No one would accuse Kurt of being animated, but she’d gotten to know the littlest flickers of expression on his face over the years and she hadn’t been able to tell he had been harboring that secret.  
  
And she knows what Kurt will think when she tells him about last night. That she’s getting him back for what he did to her, the pain he put her through. It’s not that, Diane can already hear herself saying. If she could prevent Kurt from going through the pain she’s gone through over the past couple years, she would. This was not retribution.   
  
*  
  
As Marissa greets Kurt, Diane braces herself. Then he’s there, standing in her doorway, a bouquet of roses in one hand, looking at her like she hung the moon. Tears well up in her eyes. She can’t help it. This is the man she married. And she threw it away for what? Some leftist bartender who liked her laugh?   
  
“Hi.” He says, a little awkwardly, not stepping into the office just yet.   
  
“Hey.” She manages to breathe and swallow her tears.   
  
He finally approaches her with the roses. “I couldn’t do another horrible video thing or cell phone call.” Hearing his folksy twang makes her heart swell. She launches herself into his arms. She certainly hadn’t planned to do that.  
  
“I’m sorry, I’m just so sorry.” Diane murmurs as she clutches his shoulder. His arm circles around her middle, the other one is holding the roses away so they don’t prick her. And she hadn’t planned to say that.   
  
“For?”   
  
“I’m afraid if I tell you, you won’t want to see me again.” Everything coming out of her mouth sounds like something out of a romance novel.   
  
“I don’t think that’s possible.” His cheek is pressed up against hers. Warm, reassuring.  
  
 “I think it is.” She swallows, reminds herself to breathe.   
  
He’s confused, his eyes searching hers, which are still teary. “Diane, what is it?” The concern in his voice is enough to make her abort her plan. She can’t do it. She can’t tell him. Can’t watch the realization wash over his face, see the pain in his eyes, hear the hurt in his voice.   
  
“I-I- scheduled work this weekend,” she stammers. “I didn’t think you would be here.” Diane half expects him to call bullshit, but instead he chuckles. Chuckles. In that moment, there’s not a more gorgeous sound in the world.   
  
“It’s okay,” he replies. “I’ll see you tonight.” Diane looks away, not able to hold his gaze for long, still fearing he might see something in her eyes. “I just wanted to say,” he starts in that slow drawl of his. “I’m done with this separation. I think we should move in together again.”   
  
She’s been focusing on his lips, but this gets her to meet his eyes again. She stares at him for a moment, sure her mouth is agape. “Kurt, I want to talk about this. But-”  
  
“No, I know. You’re at work. I just wanted to say it, before other things get in the way.”   
  
She closes her eyes at that. They already have. “I know.” Diane nods. “Thank you for coming. And for the flowers.”  
  
He tips his chin towards his chest slightly, never one to take a compliment. “I’ll see you later?”   
  
“Yes.” She replies, even managing a smile.   
  
He leaves, giving her a little wave through the glass before proceeding to the elevator. As always, Diane’s heart flutters like she’s a teenager. Only that man could do that to her.  
  
After he’s gone, she exhales for what feels like the first time all day and promptly goes into the bathroom and cries. Someone must hear because Marissa knocks softly on the bathroom door. “Diane? Are you all right?”   
  
“Yes,” she calls quickly, hoping Marissa will leave.   
  
“Okay.” Marissa sounds hesitant. “Well, I’m right out here if you need me.”   
  
“Thank you.” Diane sniffles. After a few more minutes, she pulls herself together as much as she can. Her eyes are red-rimmed and while she has work to do, she certainly was not planning to spend all weekend at the office. It was just a convenient excuse.   
  
*  
  
All those months of coming home to an empty apartment, Diane half wishing there was someone there to greet her, only now she has her wish and she feels like a traitor stepping over the threshold.   
  
But walking into the living room and seeing him actually feels like coming home. Her shoulders relax and she can’t help but smile when he looks up from his laptop at her. “Hey.” Her tone is easy but hesitant, wondering how they’re going to spend the next 36 hours together without it slipping out, without her confessing everything.   
  
It’s an odd thing to think, but she’s beginning to understand the guilt and torment he must have gone through when their roles were reversed. It’s eating her up inside. It had to have been the same for Kurt. She’s always thought of him as someone with high morals, but a tiny voice in the back of her mind whispers, maybe he didn’t feel any guilt at all.    
  
Kurt tells her to relax while he starts dinner. As he passes by her, he reaches over to give her shoulder a squeeze and she flinches. He pauses but doesn’t say anything. When she hears him pulling out pots and pans, she lets herself collapse momentarily on the couch, her brain spinning wildly down dark paths in her mind, before pulling herself up and going into the kitchen to watch him cook. He pulls out a stool for her and pours a glass of wine. She tries to imagine what he would say if she told him now, wishing she had the strength to, but dreading the hurt and disappointment on his face.  If she tells him, it will be over between them.   
  
Diane can feel herself going through the motions, but after the plates are cleared and he pours her another glass of wine, it occurs to her she can’t remember a single word of what they talked about over dinner.   
  
Both of them are readers, but instead of lapsing into separate worlds, they decide to watch a movie. After a half hour of debating, Diane gives up and tells Kurt to pick whatever he wants. “Are you sure?” She nods and takes a sip of her third glass of wine. As they settle back onto the couch, Kurt’s hand grazes her thigh accidentally and again, she flinches. This time it’s more noticeable than the first. “Are you okay?” He immediately asks.    
  
“Yeah, I’m fine.” She answers but the words ring false. She can feel his gaze on her, but her attention is on the screen. Normally she would settle back against his chest and he would wrap his arm around her waist, but not tonight. To his credit, Kurt doesn’t say anything about her behavior. He doesn’t try to touch her, other than taking her hand in his halfway through the movie.  
  
As they’re going upstairs to bed, he catches her arm and pulls her back into him, his eyes searching her face for an answer as to what could be wrong. When he can’t figure it out, he kisses her instead. “Kurt,” she breathes against him, pulling away slightly.   
  
“What?” he sighs, frustrated. “Should I not have come?”   
  
“No,” she answers quickly, but upon reconsidering, changes her answer. “Maybe. I don’t know. I wish you would have told me.”   
  
“Okay,” he nods, taking it in. She doesn’t know how he remains so calm all of the time. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. Do you want me to leave? I can go find a hotel.”   
  
“No, no, of course you can stay.” She means it, but is afraid of what will happen once they go upstairs. She can’t believe she’s afraid of sleeping with her husband. “I don’t know if I’m up for...I’m tired and I would like to go to bed. Is that okay?”   
  
“Diane.” A smirk creeps across his face. “Are you insinuating that I flew across the country purely to sleep with you?”   
  
Her mouth twists into a smile at that. “Maybe,” she replies, raising an eyebrow. They were always good at this. The flirting.  
  
“Give me a little credit.” He manages to respond with a straight face. She smiles and kisses him gratefully because yes, this is the person she knows and loves. Last night was a mistake. A big one, but still a mistake.   
  
Being in bed with him, the heat emanating off his body and the steady rhythm of his breath makes her reconsider her earlier protests. “Kurt,” she whispers into the darkness, not sure if he’s still awake.   
  
“Yeah?” he answers softly.  
  
“Can you...can you hold me, please?” Her voice vibrates with emotion but if he can hear it, he doesn’t say anything. She holds her breath as he moves closer, sliding an arm under her shoulders, the other wrapping firmly around her waist.   
  
“Like that?” he asks, his breath hot against her ear.   
  
“Mmhm.” She hums. He presses a kiss to her cheek and nuzzles against her, his scruff gently scratching against the soft skin of her neck. Her heart is pounding, blood pulsing through her veins, and there’s a ripple of need in her stomach. But she’s afraid if they sleep together now, it would be too much too soon. He would know. Or worse, she would break down in tears. For tonight, this is enough.   
  
In the early morning, she wakes to find they’ve barely moved, as if during the night, Kurt was holding onto her for dear life. She can feel his breath against her neck and if she rolls her head to look at him, her cheek would hit his nose. “Kurt,” she says softly, her hand running up and down his arm gently. He stirs against her and she can feel he’s hard against her leg. “Kurt,” she says again, a little more hurried, her breath catching in her throat. He lets out a puff of air and she knows he’s awake, guesses he’s trying to make out where he is, but it takes him no time at all to piece it together. He presses a kiss to her shoulder.   
  
“Good morning.” His voice is low and a thrill runs up her spine as he presses up onto his elbow, his eyes meeting hers.   
  
She responds by reaching up to run her hands through his hair and pull him to her for a kiss. “Hi,” she whispers shyly.   
  
“Hi,” he replies, his eyes bright with surprise. “You feeling better?”   
  
She nods. She can’t stop touching him, her hands roaming across the plane of his back, fingers tracing the slope of his shoulders, the sinewy muscle of his arms.   
  
“Diane.” Her name is low in his throat and her eyes automatically lock with his. He doesn’t actually have to ask permission because she nods. He leans towards her, his mouth trailing down her neck as she continues her exploration of his upper half.   
  
She tugs his shirt halfway up his back before she breaks apart from him for a moment. “Take this off.”   
  
“How about you do the honors?” He sits up straight, allowing her to roll the fabric up over his head and toss it onto the floor. Her hands land flat against his chest for a second before pulling him in for another kiss. She can feel him, nearly throbbing against her leg. She traces her hands down the front of his chest again, but this time she moves one hand lower, touching him through his boxers. Kurt’s eyes immediately fall closed and he lets out a strangled groan. When he opens his eyes again, she’s smirking at him. “God, I missed you,” he says, reaching forward to smooth a piece of hair out of her face.   
  
Her emotions bubble up to the surface, but she pushes them away. “I missed you,” she replies. It’s more confessional than she normally lets herself get when they sleep together, but in the past 24 hours, she’s realized how much it’s true. She misses him. It’s always been hard for her to admit because it means she needs someone, when for so long, she prided herself on the fact she didn’t. And she thinks she’s starting to understand what his actions were trying to say, but what he himself might not have been able to. He misses her, that much she knew. He’s sorry and he wants another chance. He’s willing to put her needs before his own if it means having a shot with her. A future together.   
  
But she ruined whatever chance they might have had.   
  
*  
  
Diane is in the kitchen trying to make breakfast, but now Kurt is the one who can’t keep his hands off of her. He keeps coming up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist, and planting kisses on her neck and shoulder. She swats him with the spatula and gives him a task to keep him busy for a little while, but he’ll inevitably return to her side. “Stop!” she tells him for the tenth time, but she’s laughing.   
  
“Do you have to work today?” he asks as they sit down to eat.   
  
“No,” she replies, glancing at him expectantly.   
  
“Want to come downtown with me?”   
  
She widens her eyes, surprised to hear he wants to go into the city. “Sure. Why? What’s downtown?”   
  
“One of the museums has an exhibit on ancient weapons that I was interested in seeing. I know it’s not really your thing, though, so if you don’t want to-”  
  
“No, it sounds interesting.” It’s the first thing they’ve done in awhile that doesn’t involve getting together for a drink and inevitably ending up in bed together. It gives her pause, considering the events of the past 48 hours, and the invitation recalls something else. “We haven’t talked about your proposal.”   
  
He looks up at her quickly, practically choking on his food. He clears his throat. “My what?”   
  
She has the upper hand. Diane shoots him a self-satisfied smile. “Your proposal. The other night, about ending the separation?”   
  
“Right.” He wipes his mouth and puts the napkin back in his lap. “I think it’s time. I think it might even be good for us.” He leans towards her, brushing her fingertips with his. “What do you think?”   
  
“I appreciate you saying that, but I thought we agreed it would be good for us to spend some time apart and learn how to-”   
  
“We’re clearly terrible at spending time apart.” He mutters under his breath.   
  
“...This is what I’m talking about. We can barely have a conversation without arguing!” Kurt crumples his napkin and sets it on the table. “I want us to actually be able to communicate.” Diane softens. “And that’s hard when you’re away for months at a time and I’m crazy at work. I wish there was an easier solution, but I don’t see one.”   
  
He nods, biting his lip, looking as if he wants to say something else but doesn’t, just takes a sip of his coffee. “Okay. Then we won’t end the separation.”   
  
Kurt has always been more level-headed, but she’s bewildered by his absence of emotion. At first, she wonders if his silence is sulking, but there’s only a long pause in the conversation before he’s telling her about Los Angeles.   
  
*  
  
When he leaves for the airport on Monday afternoon, she stands at the curb and watches his car until it’s obscured in traffic. She was hesitant about them spending any real time together, yet she misses him when he leaves. If she was someone who looked for signs, she’s not sure how much bigger one could be.   
  
At the museum on Sunday, she decided something. She was watching him peer at an exhibit. He could feel her gaze, she could tell, and he turned his head to look at her and smiled. It was the simplest gesture, but she decided in that moment to forget about what had happened with Tully. Kurt was her husband and he deserved her dedication. Their dedication and desire to piece their relationship back together.   
  
She’d let herself be present with him the rest of the weekend. In fact, when she found out he didn’t have to be in court until Tuesday, she cancelled her Monday morning appointments to spend more time with him before his flight.   
  
But now he’s gone and she’s missing him and feeling all jumbled up inside. She has to go into the office and deal with everything she put off this morning, plus whatever afternoon appointments she has.   
  
Normally, she drives herself to work, but that afternoon, she calls a car so she’ll have time to think about things. She’s forgotten how much she enjoyed the freedom of riding in the back of a car, not having to worry about traffic or other drivers, and simply sit with her own thoughts. 


	3. 2x08

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She keeps thinking about Kurt in court yesterday. The long pause he took before he admitted, in front of everyone, “I hurt her.” The way his gaze met hers just before and could barely meet hers afterwards.

_Hey, you were great. But I don’t think I should kiss you here._  
   
Kurt knocks on Diane’s door a few minutes after 11. There’s a smile on her face when she opens it. “Hi.”  
   
“Hey,” she says, stepping aside to let him in. “It was good to see you today.”  
   
He tries to hide his smile, but can’t. “About that kiss…” he steps into her, brushing back a piece of her hair, her eyes catching his, her eyebrow raising, before he closes the gap between them and kisses her. Diane makes a low noise in her throat and he deepens the kiss, the two of them tumbling back until her shoulder hits the edge of the entryway. “You okay?” he asks, his mouth barely leaving hers. Her fingers grasp at his shirt front, pulling him towards her. He chuckles, kissing her again. They continue, his hand firm at her waist, as if to reclaim her.  
   
Julius had brought him in on the case, although Diane probably floated his name. Kurt hadn’t known she was going to be at the trial until he walked into court a couple days ago and there she was. She looked amazing, then and this morning. All day, he’s thought about the little smile she’d given him when Julius was asking if he had any relationship with anyone on their legal team. They’ve been keeping up their bargain, talking on the phone every week. He could very easily take her to bed, but it’s the first time he’s seen her since he’s been back in Chicago. It’s the first time they’ve done this in a while. “Diane…” he says lowly.  
   
Eyelashes flutter, a soft sigh as she collects herself. “Yes?”  
   
He’s unable to suppress his grin. “Can I maybe actually see the inside of your place before you whisk me upstairs?”  
   
She laughs and nudges his shoulder with her own, but she listens, walking into the living room and he can’t focus on anything but her hips. When he finally follows, she’s standing in the kitchen pouring herself a glass of wine. “I don’t have beer, but I have scotch. Or vodka.”  
   
“Wine is good.”  
   
“Sure.” She glances up at him as she pours another glass. “You look good. I think L.A. might suit you, as much as you grouse about it.”  
   
He shrugs. He did take a liking to how close the mountains were, the ocean, but he has no fondness for the traffic, the people, the vastness. “There are worse places, I suppose.”  
   
“Chicago,” she offers.  
   
“Actually, I missed it,” Kurt confesses, wincing a little against the dryness of the wine.  
   
“You did not.” Diane is incredulous.  
   
But he persists. Nods. “I did.” He takes another sip of wine, the acidity growing on him. “You never miss home when you’re away? The thought of sleeping in your own bed?”  
   
“No, I do,” she says thoughtfully. “I thought you would miss your place. Your house. Not the city.”  
   
He takes a long breath before he says the thing he’s been wanting to say since he walked in. “There’s more to Chicago than just the city. There’s you.”  
   
“Kurt…” He half expects to see a pained expression on her face, but when he looks up, her eyes are soft. The last time he was in town--the time he surprised her by flying out from LA--it had taken Diane almost all weekend to come around, but he felt like she was here now. Present. Sitting together in the kitchen he didn’t feel any of the weight he’d felt before.  
  
When Kurt pulls her towards him, she lets out a deep sigh. “Finally,” she murmurs. “I thought you were going to be a tease and I was going to have to take matters into my own hands.”  
  
“Meaning what?” He can smell the faint scent of her perfume as he nuzzles her neck.  
  
“Meaning I’d have to drag you upstairs by the shirt collar.”  
  
He pulls away. “Well? What are you waiting for?”  
  
She grins at him and rises from his lap, her fingers snagging his belt loops and tugging him to stand until his hips are flush against hers. Neither of them says anything now, instead standing together, letting the heat of their bodies mix together. He can feel her breath against his cheek as she draws closer, her lips land at a spot just below his ear which makes him suck in a sharp breath. She presses her lips along his jaw, languid and slow, her hand reaching for his belt buckle.  
  
“Now who’s being a tease,” he murmurs but his breath catches in his throat as she slides the belt out from around his waist. She pauses for effect but a moment later, she’s unbuttoning his jeans. His pulse is pounding in his ears so loudly that when she says something, he barely registers it, instead waiting for the moment when her hand wraps around him. She pushes his jeans halfway down and trails her fingers slowly along the waistband of his boxers. He makes a low growl in his throat.  
  
Diane smiles, drawing close to kiss him, long and slow, before she deftly slips her hand into his boxers. He lets out a grunt, teeth nipping at her ear. “Hold on, cowboy,” she teases, pushing his boxers down and lowering herself to her knees. His eyes roll back into his head and he reminds himself to breathe.. She reaches for his hand, directing it so it rests on the back of her head. His fingers tangle in her hair as she takes him in her mouth. “God,” he breathes.  
  
His legs start to twitch and shake with the effort of remaining upright. Waves of pleasure ripple up from his stomach through his body, his hand on the back of her head gently guiding her closer as he nears his release, but an overwhelming need for her blindsides him. “Wait,” he whispers hoarsely. She slows her movements but doesn’t stop. “Diane, wait--I need you.” His fingers unfurl from her hair and she finally stops.  
  
“Are you serious?” she asks but he’s already helping her to her feet, his mouth against hers, stepping her back against the wall. He tugs at her skirt, effectively pulling it up until it bunches around her waist. He tugs her hose down to the ground, helping her step out of her shoes, and tossing the hose away. Diane gasps when he doesn’t waste any time before touching her. She’s wet and he groans against her neck. “You’re killing me,” he says lowly.  
  
She tilts her chin up and places a hand on his jaw. “You can have me.” Kurt hikes up her leg to his waist and both of them groan in pleasure as he enters her. Diane’s hand slides down to his ass, encouraging him to move faster, her hips lifting to meet his, pulling him into a quick rhythm.  
  
Kurt’s already at the edge and even though he tries to breathe slow and shallow, he wasn’t going to be able to hold on for her. “I’m going…” he manages to say.  
  
“I know.” Diane croons in his ear. “It’s okay.” He thrusts into her and can feel himself unraveling. Before he’s even pulled out completely, his hand is against her, hoping to maintain the pressure. She arches back against the wall, her hands searching for something to hold onto before landing on his shirt, where she balls the fabric in her fist.  
  
“Fuck,” she cries as he crooks his fingers inside of her and she trembles against him, unraveling herself. She draws him into her, her chin resting on his shoulder, her arm embracing him as she comes. “Fuck,” she whispers again. He chuckles and kisses her. They rest against one another, each catching their breath. “I didn’t really intend to do this in the middle of the kitchen. I was going to take you upstairs,” Diane says, laughing.  
  
Kurt shrugs. “Not the strangest place we’ve had sex,” he grins, which makes her laugh again. He feels a shiver travel through her. “What time were you thinking about?”  
  
“The car,” she admits, her cheeks flushed. “What about you?”  
  
“The entryway at your old place.” There had been a very well-used table. Diane used to leave her various winter gear on it, but it became less and less a storage spot and more and more a place for them to stop when they couldn’t make it to the bedroom.  
  
“Oh, god!” she exclaims, laughing.  
A moment later, when they’re gathering various items of clothing, she looks over at him, her face still flushed and smiles. “Want to come upstairs?”  
  
“Of course,” he replies.  
  
*  
  
She’s shaking as she walks out of the boardroom. Curses the firm’s interior designer for the overzealous use of glass. She cannot get away fast enough. It’s the middle of the day, but she doesn’t care. Grabbing her purse and coat, she walks out of the office. If they need her, they’ll call.  
   
Somehow, she makes it through the cab ride home without completely breaking down. But once inside her apartment, door locked, she lets herself unravel. Stifling the sobs at first, but then letting them tear at her, clawing their way free. Ripping through her body until it hurts so badly, she’s afraid she’ll never be able to breathe normally again.  
   
There’s really no coherent thought. Only crying and heartbreak.  
  
*  
   
Diane isn’t proud she ends up in bed with Tully again. When they leave the bar, everything is blurry and her brain is actually quiet, for the first time in months. But as soon as she opens the door to her apartment, it’s like everything snaps on again. She knows none of this is her. She doesn’t know why she goes through with it, why she doesn’t send Tully home.  
  
Except she knows exactly why. She’s embarrassed that Holly’s admission had led her to sleep with Tully again. A man she’s not even sure she likes, but who served as the warm body in which to sink her anger and frustration.  
  
When she wakes up next to him, there’s a knot in her gut. She’s been feeling out of place for awhile now, but the irrevocable decision to again sleep with a man she barely knows is the (literal) wake up call. Even before finding his gun, she wants him out of her apartment as fast as possible.  
   
  
Her regret about Tully doesn’t make Kurt’s failure to tell her about Holly hurt any less, though. She doesn’t want to distance herself from Kurt, as she’s always a little afraid there won’t be space for her when she wants to return, but in the past few months, she’s become a needy, uncertain person she doesn’t recognize and knows she needs to take some time to be alone to straighten herself out. She used to love spending time alone.  
   
*  
   
Watching this guy stride into the firm and ask for Diane like it’s the most natural thing in the world is hard to stomach. His throat tightens and he can barely get Maia’s name out. Kurt watches them through the glass, not even hearing Maia when she first appears. “Kurt?” she says again, startling him from his spying.  
   
“Oh, hey.” He shows her and Lucca what he’s found, grateful for the distraction. As he’s about to go, he pauses. “One more thing. Do you know who that is in with Diane?”  
   
Maia glances over at Diane’s office, her brow furrowing. “No, I don’t think so. Do you want me to ask Marissa?” Just as she says it, Marissa is walking down the hall parallel to them. “Marissa!” Maia calls out, before Kurt can stop her.  
  
“Oh god,” he murmurs under his breath. Lucca catches his response and gives him a bemused look.  
  
“What’s going on?” Marissa asks, coming into the lobby. “Hi, Kurt.”  
  
“Hey, Marissa.” She looks strange, like maybe her smile is strained.  
  
Maia must pick up on the same vibes because she looks like she can’t leave fast enough. “Uh, Kurt had a question for you. Thanks again for your help,” she says to him, before leaving with Lucca, who gives him a ‘good luck’ look before following Maia.  
  
“What did you need?” Marissa asks distractedly.  
  
“It’s not really that important.” He expects her to move along, but instead she stands there, waiting for him to make his request. “Uh, just wondering who was in with Diane. He looks familiar.”  
  
“Oh,” Marissa looks decidedly uncomfortable. “I’m not sure….I think his name is Tully. He’s a new client or something. Not sure.” She can’t even look him in the eye. There’s a large lump in his throat.  
  
“Okay, thanks.” He says hoarsely and steps towards the elevator.  
  
Out on the street, he lets out a long breath. He’s not a detective, but he’s been around legal proceedings enough to know Marissa’s behavior was not reassuring. He thinks about getting a cab, but decides to walk back to his hotel.  
  
Diane hadn’t acted differently when she saw him earlier that week, but he stops cold when he remembers her behavior when he flew out from L.A. to surprise her. She’d shied away from him all evening. She’d said all those things about being afraid to tell him something and him not wanting to see her again. _Fuck._    
  
Kurt’s not normally someone to jump to conclusions, but everything hits him in the gut all at once. He can’t believe he hadn’t noticed it before. She’d been seeing someone else. He remembers the guy--Tully? Is that what Marissa said his name was?--basically checking him out on the elevator and he can feel the heat rising in his face.  
  
The only thing which gives him solace is the way she acted when she found out he was still in touch with Holly. He’d rarely seen her so upset and he reasons she wouldn’t have acted that way if she was falling for someone else. She wouldn’t have been so upset if she thought their relationship, their _marriage_ , was already over.  
  
All the revelations make Kurt itchy with adrenaline. He knows he should give Diane her space, but he also wants to burst into her office and ask what she can possibly see in this other guy, if he still has a chance.  
  
Another thought sinks him. Maybe this guy was just a fling, but Diane finding out about Holly drove her back into his arms. Her finding solace with another guy because he hurt her again makes Kurt slip out of his hotel room, feeling numb, and head down to the nearest liquor store.  
  
*  
   
Kurt prefers real world scenarios to technology. Even though he uses computers for his job, he likes recreating a situation in his lab.  
   
It’s the same with technology in his personal life. He’s seen Diane shoot off texts and emails in the amount of time it would take him to type one word on his phone. She was the one who finally convinced him to learn how to video chat, which was pretty cool, he had to admit.  
   
But after a week of not hearing from Diane, he’s considering sending her a text. He’s called more than once, even left her voicemails apologizing, but she hasn’t returned any of his calls.  
   
He doesn’t know that she would be any more responsive to his texts, but he figures it’s worth a shot. If only he could figure out what to say.  
   
After drafting several texts throughout the day, he finally sends one short and to the point. _Hey. Just checking in. Give me a call when you can._  
   
A few hours later, his phone rings and he’s surprised to see her name on the screen. He takes a breath and answers. “Hello?”  
   
“Hi.” Based on her greeting, it’s clear Diane doesn’t have much to say.  
   
“I didn’t expect you to call.” Kurt admits, expecting her to be apologetic for not responding to him sooner.  
   
“But I did.”  
   
“Yeah.” Now that he has her on the phone, he’s at a loss for words. There are too many things he wants to say, half of which he doesn’t have the courage to. He finally settles on, “How are you?”  
   
“Busy.” He knows she’s always busy with work, but she sounds different. Defeated. “Actually, I’m going to have to call you back. I’m stepping into a meeting. Later tonight good?”  
   
“Yeah, that’s fine,” he replies, feeling a bit defeated himself. “Talk to you later.”  
   
“Okay. Bye.”  
   
He’s in bed with a book, half reading, half dozing, his gut clenching as it grows later and later, when his phone ringing startles him awake. “Hey,” he answers, surprised she even bothered returning his call.  
   
“Hi. It’s late,” she sounds sheepish. “I can call back tomorrow.”  
   
“No, no, that’s okay. Everything okay?”  
   
“Oh, yes. There was a time sensitive case at work. An immigration case.”  
   
Kurt frowns, knowing it isn’t Diane’s area of expertise. “Immigration?”  
   
“It’s a long story,” she chuckles. “I can’t really get into it now. Another time, maybe.”  
   
The littlest things give him hope, including this. Diane planning to tell him about a case at some point in the future. “Okay.” He takes a breath. “I know you aren’t happy with me right now and I understand why.”  
   
“Kurt, I-”  
   
“No, let me finish.” He clears his throat. “I didn’t think about how much it would hurt you that I was still in touch with Holly. That was selfish of me and I’m sorry about that. I’m even sorrier that I didn’t tell you.” Diane is quiet, listening. “I know I can’t go back and change anything now, but moving forward, I’ve decided I can’t continue to work or consult with Holly. It’s what I should have done a long time ago.”  
   
“I’m not asking you to do that.”  
   
“I know, but it’s what I feel is right. I want to fix this, Diane.”  
   
“I know that. I do.” Her voice is firm, business-like. “But I’ve been feeling lost lately and I need to get back somewhere solid. And I need to do that on my own.”  
   
He’s a little confused about what that means for them. Is she asking for more time apart? “I understand, but I feel like the longer we spend apart, the harder it is to come back together.”  
   
She doesn’t respond directly to his statement, instead changing the subject. “I don’t like feeling oblivious, but I also don’t want to be jealous. If you need Holly to be part of your professional life, then that’s what you should do. I can’t expect you to never interact with another woman.”  
   
“Diane,” he sighs, knowing she’s avoiding what he said. “I can’t-”  
   
“It’s late,” she tells him, a finality in her tone. “I don’t want to talk about this over the phone. Maybe we can meet up later this week?”  
   
“Sure,” he concedes, knowing he’s not going to be able to cajole her into talking about something. “Whatever you want.”  
   
“Okay. Have a good night, Kurt.” Her tone is soft and maybe he’s being ridiculous, but he finds a tiny bit of hope in it.


	4. 2x11

As grounded as the aikido has made her feel, she’s still nervous when she calls Kurt about meeting up for a drink. They haven’t talked much since she found out about Holly. Even though she told him she needed some space to figure things out, she hadn’t really expected him to listen. But maybe, as her accountant had mentioned, Kurt was simply ready to move on. 

She starts preparing a little speech in her head, which she hopes leaves open the possibility of them, but also puts the ball in his court. Kurt would tease her about it, if he knew. She was preparing herself for seeing him, like she prepares herself for court. 

But she knows she can never prepare herself completely for how she feels whenever she walks into a room and he’s there. She can feel his gaze on her as soon as she walks through the door and her heart flutters when her eyes meet his. She’s good at playing it cool, but she’s always been a mess when it comes to him.     


It doesn’t help when he chuckles and there’s that slight smirk hidden by his mustache. “What do you want?” She can hear her name at the end of that sentence, even though he doesn’t say it. Her name always sounds so much better in his mouth. 

“We see each other, what? Thirty days out of the year?” She starts the little speech she’s been rehearsing since she called him. 

“We both work-” He starts to interrupt. 

“I know, but that doesn’t make for a marriage.” She takes a deep breath before continuing. “So if you want a divorce, I’m fine.” She takes a sip of her whiskey, plays it cool, but hopes he says no.

Instead, Kurt frowns. “Is this about your friend?” 

Diane blinks, thrown. “My friend?” 

“Yes.” She’s racking her brain for who he could mean when she recognizes something in his eyes. Jealousy. 

“Oh, you’re talking about Tully?” Diane almost laughs. 

“Is that his name?”

“Yes,” she replies, watching him closely. 

“Sure,” he says, trying to sound casual, but she can hear the note of envy and dismissal creep into his voice. “Then it’s about Tully.”

As much as she’s half enjoying see Kurt squirm over this supposed other man, Diane knows she has to right this ship. “No,” she says firmly. “No, it’s about what you want.” She softens at the end. 

“Diane.” There it is. The way he says her name. He lets out a small sigh. “I’ve been trying the past year to...make things up to you, to-” Kurt hums, frustrated and struggling with his words. “I’ve been a prisoner on probation. I’m tired.” 

She sits with that a second. He’s never made it a secret, how he feels about her, but that was all she had heard from him since the whole Holly thing. Never how this situation,  _ their _ situation, made  _ him  _ feel. Always about what he felt for her. “Kurt, that is the most you’ve talked about it in two years.” 

“I’m not a big talker.” He says, stating the obvious. 

“Uh, I  _ know _ ,” she scoffs. “But I need you to be. I need you to tell me what it is you want. And if it’s a divorce, then I understand.” She struggles to say it. “If it’s not-”

“I’ve been telling you.” 

“No, no,” she corrects him, hoping maybe he’ll finally understand what she’s been needing from him. “You’ve been telling me that we should spend the weekend together. That I should come to your cabin.” 

“That we should move in together.” 

It used to make her heart swell when he asked her to go to Costa Rica with him, to come out to his cabin, to spend a weekend away from Chicago, but when they got married, she thought it meant they would be together, not living separate lives. And she was tired of living separate lives. They had to make the decision to do this or not. “As roommates. I’m too old to be a roommate, so if we’re divorcing, let’s just do that.” Diane feels a release as she says it. “I’ve spent too much of the last year just drifting, letting events happen to me. I’m not going to do that anymore.” 

“Okay,” Kurt says. He gets up from his chair and her heart sinks, thinking he’s going to walk out on her and that will be it. That will be the end of them. “I’ll call you tomorrow.” 

“Why?” she asks, surprised.

“Because you want a real answer.” After he leaves, Diane wonders if she was too harsh. Nearly an ultimatum. She knows Kurt doesn’t respond well to being told what to do. But it’s true, her needing to know where they stand in their marriage. Like she said, she’s tired of letting things happen to her. 

*

_ We stop pretending that we can do this part-time. And we live together until we die. _

“You’re staying?” Diane asks after they hastily break apart. 

“If you want.” Kurt replies diplomatically. 

“I do.” She grins at him, stepping forward to wipe her thumb over his lips. “Lipstick.” She explains. 

“You ready to go?” he asks. 

She steps away from him. “Do you mind waiting a few minutes? Adrian got out of the hospital tonight and Liz is bringing him by the office.” 

“Of course. I’m glad he’s doing well.” Kurt takes a seat. 

She pauses by his chair, running a hand through his hair before stepping out to the lobby to greet Adrian. Diane expects her face is still flushed from kissing Kurt, but everyone should be focused on Adrian, so hopes no one will notice. Her brain is still catching up to Kurt’s proposal and her stomach flutters when she remembers his words. 

When she returns a few minutes later, she’s followed by Liz, Maia, and Marissa. The four of them are a little teary from Adrian’s speech and they pause outside her office. Marissa squints at the figure inside. “Kurt!” She announces suddenly, making the other women jump. 

“Kurt’s here?” Maia asks. By now, he’s heard the commotion and Diane is waving at him to come out. Marissa is so happy to see him, Diane fears she might try to give Kurt a hug. She keeps looking between the two of them, beaming. 

Diane turns to her partner. “Liz, you haven’t met Kurt yet, have you?” 

“No,” she replies. 

“Liz Reddick, this is Kurt McVeigh. Uh, my husband.” Kurt almost chuckles as she trips over the word and Diane shoots him a look that says ‘we’ll be discussing this later.’ “And also a very knowledgeable ballistics expert.” Kurt shakes Liz’s hand. 

“Oh, right!” Liz’s face brightens. “You helped Marissa find an eraser expert for my case.” 

“You did?” Diane asks, surprised. 

“I hope it worked out.” He tells her, muffling a grin. 

“It did, actually. Thanks.” 

“Don’t mention it. It’s nice to finally meet you in person. Diane has talked a lot about you.” 

“Really?” Liz looks surprised, but covers it quickly. “It’s nice to have an ally in the office.” Diane looks genuinely touched by the comment.

“And you got my message about the drop gun case?” Maia asks. 

“I did. I’m glad I could help.” Maia smiles. 

Diane and Liz exchange surprised looks. “Wow, it sounds like you should be on Boseman Reddick payroll,” Diane tells him drolly. 

“It was nice to meet you, Kurt.” Liz shakes his hand again. “I’ll see you around.” 

“Sure thing. Let me know if you need anymore expert witnesses.” 

Liz laughs. “I will. Good night, everyone.” 

The other women tell her goodbye. Diane looks over at Marissa and Maia. “It’s late. Both of you should head home.” 

“Yeah,” Maia agrees and turns to Marissa. “I’ll give you a ride?” 

“That would be great. Thanks.” 

“Okay, I’ll grab my stuff and meet you in the lobby.” 

Maia tells Diane and Kurt goodbye and then Marissa is left. She glances furtively at both of them. “It was good to see you, Kurt. I’ll see you tomorrow, Diane?” 

“See you then.” Diane starts to head back into her office, but turns back and says quietly, “Don’t be here before 9:30.” 

Marissa smiles at her. “Thanks.” He meant what he said earlier, he likes seeing her on her game, revved up for a fight, but he also likes seeing Diane like this, surrounded by her co-workers, finding balance with another senior female partner, being a mentor and a sage of maternal advice to the younger women. 

Diane heads into her office to gather her things, Kurt following. “God, I’m exhausted,” she sighs. 

“Then let’s go home.” She smiles at him. “What?” 

“It’s so nice to hear you say that.” 

He chuckles. “Yeah. Felt good saying it.” His hand lands on her waist, drawing her close. 

She indulges him for a moment, but then nudges his shoulder. “Home, home. Come on.” As they’re walking out to the elevator, she slips her hand into his. Kurt smiles. “So you really helped Liz and Maia with their cases?”

“I did,” he nods. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Well, when Maia asked, we weren’t really talking.” Diane drops her gaze, but he tugs on her hand. “It’s okay.” 

The elevator arrives and they step inside. She presses the button for the garage and looks over at him. “You’re a good man.” 

Kurt has never been able to take a compliment. “Depends on who you’re talking to, I guess.” 

She rolls her eyes. “I mean it, Kurt. You are.” 

He pulls a face. “Do we have to keep talking about this?” 

She laughs, pulling him into her. “Only because you’re so bad at it,” she murmurs in his ear before kissing him.    


*

Unlocking the door of her apartment, Diane feels a wave of nervousness. They’ve never really  _ lived _ together and she’s afraid it might not work. “Everything okay?” Kurt asks from the step behind her. 

“Yeah, everything’s fine,” she lies, swinging open the door and flipping on lights. She slips off her coat and places it on the coat rack in the entryway and steps into the kitchen before glancing back over her shoulder at Kurt, who is standing there awkwardly in the entryway. She must look as awkward as he does, because their eyes meet and they both start laughing. “Are you sure about the living together part of your proposal?” she teases. 

His hazel eyes twinkle back at her. “Pretty firm on that part, yeah.” Kurt steps closer. 

“You’re here,” she says softly and her palm lands on his chest as she steps into him. “And you’ll be here everyday when I come home from work.” 

“Or you’ll be here everyday when I get home from work, depending.” 

“It’s true.” The pit of nervousness rises in her chest again and she recalls her aikido, focusing on her breath. 

“Hey,” he rubs her arms. “We don’t have to figure out everything tonight. You said you were exhausted. You want to go to bed?” 

She raises her eyebrows at him. “If it involves you getting me out of this dress, then yes.” 

He leans forward until his cheek is practically touching hers. She can imagine the soft scratch of his scruff against her skin. “It’s all I’ve been thinking about since I saw you tonight.” His voice is rough in her ear. 

*

Diane never thought she would be the type of woman to forgive a cheating husband. She supported Hillary, she knew Alicia’s story, but she didn’t think she could do it. 

But she also never thought she would fall in love with a conservative ballistics expert. Kurt was the man who had stayed, no matter their work obligations, unusual schedules, separate homes, and vastly different politics. 

He was the man she’d chosen to marry.

They’d been in each other’s lives for almost a decade and as many excuses she came up with about why they would never work, they each had a hold over the other. They might have been on the verge of ending things a million times but something kept drawing them back together. 

She smiles as she studies Kurt, next to her in bed, snoring softly in the morning light. After overcoming his annoyance about her undermining his case by sleeping with their expert witness, she remembers Will teasing her, “I didn’t know you had a thing for cowboys, Diane.” To be honest, she hadn’t either. 

The gentlest cowboy. Kurt left all the bluster and bravado behind and he felt more real to her than any other man in her life. He adored her. No man had ever loved her in that way.

Will was able to see what this meant for her. “It’s not just a fling, is it?” He’d settled the case that afternoon. 

“No, it isn’t.” Before she left Kurt’s hotel room that morning, he asked when he could see her again. 

“I’m happy for you, Diane.” Will said, smiling. “It’s good.”

“It is,” she agreed. The next morning, Kurt sent her flowers. 

Next to her, now, the same man stirs beside her. He blinks against the soft light filtering through her bedroom curtains but when he sees her watching him, he smiles. “Good morning.” 

“Morning,” she replies, scooting closer to him so she can rest her head against his chest. He puts an arm around her as if they’ve been doing this every morning for the past several years. But they hadn’t. It felt new, exciting, and comforting all at the same time. 

“I was afraid I dreamed all of this,” Kurt confesses, his words murmured into her hair. 

She wishes she could burrow even further into him, so he would know how much this moment means. “You didn’t.” 

“You’re still happy with me being here?” He’s teasing, but there’s an undercurrent of anxiety. 

“Yes,” she replies, meaning it. “It’s what we signed up for, right? We’re not going to be happy all the time and we’ll figure out how to deal with those moments, too.” 

“I can’t wait to be unhappy with you,” he says, squeezing her tighter. She laughs against his chest and resists the temptation to point out it’s what they’ve been doing for the past 30 months. She knows what he means and she can’t wait for it either.  


	5. 2x13

The Monday after they move in together, Diane doesn’t want to let him go. “You have to go to work and I need to run back to my place and get a few things.” Kurt reasons with her. 

“This is your place now,” she reminds him. 

He smiles. He hasn’t seen Diane so happy in a long time. “You’re right. My old place.” He watches as she crosses back and forth getting ready. When she changes her shoes yet again, he knows she’s stalling for time. “I’ll be here when you get home,” he says, hoping to assuage whatever nerves or fear she’s feeling. 

She stops and gazes at him for a long moment, before tugging her earrings off. “I know.” Diane walks over to her bureau and selects a different pair before coming over to his side of the bed and leaning down for a kiss. 

“I love you,” he murmurs. She sighs hopelessly against his cheek, which makes him laugh. “Go.” Diane presses a last kiss to his lips and does as she’s told. 

*

That evening when she returns home, she half expects to step into an apartment full of furniture and boxes. Instead, there are still scant signs of Kurt, except for a few things. 

He’s in the kitchen making dinner. She used to tease him about being good in the kitchen and good in bed. It made him blush and she thought it was so cute when he blushed. When he notices her, his eyes light up. “Hey, you’re home.” He wipes his hands on a dish towel and hurries around the counter to give her a kiss. “I didn’t hear you come in.” 

“You didn’t have to make dinner.” 

Kurt shrugs, gesturing at her to take a seat on one of the stools across the counter from where he’s working. “Until I hear from the FBI, I have nothing but time on my hands.” 

“Yeah, I thought you were going to get your stuff today.” she tries not to sound disappointed, but she can’t help the anxiety and fear bubbling up in her throat. He’s changed his mind. 

“I did,” he replies. 

Diane cocks her head at him. “Kurt. I don’t mean clothes. I mean, your stuff. Your furniture. Your books, music, fishing and camping stuff, whatever.” 

“I don’t need all of that right now, though,” he says dismissively. 

“So, what? You’re going to drive back and forth to get what you need? I thought the whole point of us being together was to be together. To live together.” 

He stops what he’s doing and looks up at her. “It is.” He walks around the counter towards her. “But I don’t need my camping and fishing equipment for that. I’ll move my stuff in when we find a place together.” He kisses her cheek. “Okay?” 

“Okay,” she nods. “I’m sorry.” 

“Diane,” he says, his tone indicating she doesn’t need to apologize for anything. “Please.” She loves him so much in that moment. He doesn’t need her to apologize. He understands why she’s anxious and he’s always been endlessly patient with her in all her forms. All weekend, there have been these little moments of revelation, like she’s seeing everything with new eyes. 

She falls quiet and simply watches him as he moves about the kitchen. He’s been here in her space, here and there over the past few months, but he looks so relaxed and comfortable, like he’s been living here for years. “We don’t have to move. We could stay here.” Diane says the words before really thinking them through.

Kurt straightens and turns towards her, half surprised, half resigned. “You don’t want to move.”

She shrugs. “If you do, then we’ll move. But I like having you here.” 

His face, usually so stern, slides into a half grin. “It’s only been a couple days,” he chuckles. 

“I know,” she says, smiling. As he turns back to the stove, she gets up and walks over to him, wrapping her arms around him from behind. 

“Diane,” he says warningly. 

“Dinner can wait.” She whispers in his ear. Kurt turns off the stove.

*

Diane texted him to let him know she’d talked to the FBI agents that morning, so he isn’t too surprised when they call, but is slightly taken aback when they insist on coming by the apartment instead of having him come into the office. 

As he’s sitting there, listening to their questions about Diane and Tully Nelson, his stomach sinks. He’d known there was something there, of course, he’d seen them together in Diane’s office, but this was different. This was someone driving a knife into him and running away, not even sticking around to finish the job. 

Part of him knows it’s stupid, not to mention hypocritical, to think Diane hasn’t been with anyone else during their separation, but they’d been so off and on the last few months, more on than off, he thought, that he naively assumed Diane wasn’t with someone else.

She could have told him. After everything they’ve been through, she could have. It would have stung, hearing it from her, and he can imagine the pain on her face as she told him, but it would have been better than hearing it from two people he doesn’t know, who he may or may not see at the office everyday, and who know more about his wife than he does. 

He’s upset when he calls Diane. He knows he is and it makes him grateful she doesn’t pick up, because he would have said things he didn’t mean. He feels tired suddenly and sinks down onto the couch, glancing around the apartment at the various signs of Diane. A pair of gloves she’s left near the entryway, yesterday’s necklace on one of the end tables, her coffee cup with a lipstick stain on the kitchen counter. He needs her. He needs all of this to go away because he just needs her. 

When the FBI agents show up again that afternoon, he knows something’s wrong. It’s childish, but it feels good using his pent up anger on this blowhard. His first thought, after he firmly shuts the door behind him, is to call Diane. “I’m coming home,” she tells him and hearing her voice, the way she says home, he almost forgets about Tully.

*

Diane gets dressed, trying to keep a brave face on, although a small part of her is terrified. Terrified her idea won’t work out. Terrified she’ll be convicted of conspiracy. Terrified she’ll be taken away from Kurt just as they are coming back together. 

Kurt sits up in bed behind her. “Okay, what I said earlier about not needing to know about Tully. I don’t. Except one thing.” 

She turns to look at him. “You’re allowed to ask.”

“Is he a threat to you? To us?” 

“Besides getting me brought up on conspiracy charges?” Diane scoffs. 

“That’s not going to happen,” he says firmly, even though both of them know it’s a possibility. 

“He’s not going to bother us.” Kurt looks less certain. “Please. Don’t do anything stupid.” She stands, walking over to the bed, her hand falling to his face, cupping his cheek. 

“I won’t,” he promises. “You sure you don’t want me to go to the courthouse with you?” 

“No, that’s okay. Liz will be there. I’ll see you back here in a little while.”

She starts to pull away, but he catches her wrist and pulls her back to him. “Hey,” he says softly. “I love you.” 

She smiles. “I love you, too.” 

*

Diane gets home later than she intended, thanks to the arrival of Joseph Quinn Morello. Kurt is in bed, but her bedside lamp is on. She smiles at him being so considerate. Quietly, she undresses and slips into bed next to him. “Did Lucca have her baby?” Kurt murmurs as she’s snuggling up against his back. He reaches back for her hand, which he takes in his own, pulling them onto his stomach, where he lets them rest.

“She did. Joseph Quinn Morello.”

“That’s a good name.” 

“That’s what I thought.” Kurt’s thumb strokes across her knuckles. “Kurt?”

“Hmm?” 

“I know you said you didn’t want to know about Tully, but I want to tell you.” 

“Diane,” he sighs. They’ve gone through enough for one day.

“It doesn’t have to be right now.”

“I don’t really want to hear about you sleeping with someone else.” He replies, a bit defensively.   
Yeah, well, I didn’t either, she thinks. He squeezes her hand in response to her silence. “I’m sorry. That wasn’t fair of me to say.” 

“No, but it’s okay. We’ll talk tomorrow.” She rolls away from him for a second to turn off her lamp, but doesn’t return to her position up against Kurt’s back. A minute later, she can feel him shifting towards her and he places a gentle hand on her hip. 

“We okay?” he whispers. 

She nods. “Yes, love.” And she means it. 

*  
Kurt can tell Diane is waiting to bring it up. As they’re having breakfast, she shifts in her seat and he moves his foot so it grazes her calf. She smiles into her coffee cup. He keeps thinking about how he could have lost her all over again yesterday. He doesn’t want to take that risk again when she tells him about Tully, knowing himself well enough to know he’s not going to be able to hold back disappointment, knowing he’ll say something to hurt her. Can’t they be done hurting each other?

His gaze falls from the newspaper to her and after a minute, she looks up from her section of the paper, surprised to find him staring at her. “What?” she asks, lowering her glasses down her nose. 

“Nothing.” he shakes his head. 

“Come on. What is it?” 

“You’re beautiful. That’s all.” Her hair is mussed from bed and her face bare of makeup, making her all the more beautiful. 

Diane’s cheeks turn a soft shade of pink and she lowers her gaze back to the newspaper. “Kurt.” 

He places a hand over hers, running his thumb across her wedding ring. “We can talk about it.” 

She looks back at him, uncertain, the blush gone from her cheeks now. “I think you were right yesterday. We’re starting over, we don’t need to-” 

“No, I was wrong. That’s what we did before, not talking about things.” 

Diane considers this. “I’m going to get another cup of coffee and then we can talk out on the patio?” 

He gives her hand a squeeze. “Whatever you want.” Kurt knows this isn’t easy for her because it certainly wasn’t easy for him. He’d wanted to tell her about Holly, had planned to when he told her he was selling his farm, but then she’d been so worried that something was wrong, he couldn’t bring himself to tell her there was. 

The patio is in the front of the house, as opposed to the back, which he would prefer, but the odd location is worth it for the view of the cherry tree, its branches currently in full, pink bloom. 

Diane settles across from him with her cup of coffee. “I’m sorry you had to hear it from the FBI agents.” Her voice is solemn as she looks out across the yard at the cherry tree. “I wanted to tell you, but when you showed up at my office last week, I thought it might be to ask me for a divorce.”

“I surprised you,” he chuckles. 

“You did,” she smirks at him, in spite of the seriousness of the topic. “And then it seemed like the worst possible time to bring it up. But I wanted to tell you now, clear the air.”

“I’m sorry you had to hear it in court.” It doesn’t feel right for Diane to apologize without acknowledging the wrong he’s done. “But I want you to know that yours in no way compares to mine. Yours didn’t end our marriage.” 

“Kurt…” Diane’s voice vibrates with emotion. “Promise me you’ll forgive yourself. You’re not in my debt. What you said about starting over, I think we need that.” He nods, agreeing. “It wasn’t anything serious,” she says and he realizes they’re talking about Tully again. “It was stupid and childish and the only good thing to come out of it was it made me realize how much I loved you.” 

His heart lifts at her words. “I know.” And he does know.


End file.
